How does counselling help?

In talking to a counsellor you will find someone who can:

• Listen: Really listen and allow you to be heard, without telling you what to do, or what we think. We work to get inside your world, your frame of reference, to understand you from your point of view.
  
• See you are OK: We believe that fundamentally you are an OK person and whatever you do and however you are, it has all been in an attempt to look after yourself and get your needs met. Obviously, it may not have succeeded very well, as you may not feel OK at all. But for us your OKness is a given. However shocking aspects of your life, your thoughts, or your fantasies are, we accept you for being you, doing the best you could. We also believe that:
• You can think clearly about yourself.
• You have decided much of your destiny (usually unconsciously decisions).
• You can change your destiny by changing your decisions.
  
• Reduce the distressing symptoms: Often people come quite late to counselling, having tried to cope by themselves. The act of seeking support can be an unburdening for some people in itself. But usually we will work with you to contain the immediate pain or difficulty that brought you to see us. 
  
• Help you explore your unconscious: We all have a set of assumptions and expectations and beliefs about how the world is. It is important to know what these are and bring them to light, so that you understand what holds you back, what limits you, and where you're coming from.
  
• Not tell you what we would do: Talking to a counsellor is not like talking to a friend or a member of your family. They may advise you to do something which is more about what they would do if they were you. Only, they're not you. This style of advice can often be more about meeting their needs and getting into their stuff, rather than yours. We have both had their own extensive psychotherapy. This is really important, because it allows us to separate out our stuff from yours, and let you come to see what's right for you.
  
• Think about your personality style: Your personality has a distinct flavour. It is excellent at some things and would prefer to avoid others. If you can understand your personality, you'll see the roots of your motivations, and learn to deal with them better.
  
• Help you examine your Process: The content of your life – the "what has happened to you" – is very important. Lots of different things happen to us over our lifetime. But the process of your life – how you dealt with it – is even more important. We each tend to have a small set of favourite ways of dealing with things. Usually, the way we learnt to deal with things during our childhood. This can be a get strength. 
• If you like to please other people, you will often be thought caring and popular. 
• If you like to have things "just so", you will be meticulous, diligent and reliable. 
• If you like to cope with an inner strength, you will be resilient and strong.
• If you are curious and sceptical, you have a keen examining intelligence. 
  

Characteristics like these are very usual and quite helpful, so long they are not over used. Maybe the one who pleases others forgets how to please themselves. The "just so's" forget that perfection is impossible. The strong ones forget to ask for help. The doubters become too critical of people and especially themselves. We can help you understand your process and rebalance your range of options, so you are not over reliant on one way of doing things. 

Taken altogether, plus your own motivation to change, this creates a very powerful environment in which we can work to understand you better and let you feel better.